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I've moved!

Posted by Lacey on 8:53 PM
I figured since I was moving houses I may as well move my blog... :)

Sorry for the hassle!! But PLEASE join me at my new home:

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McFatty Monday week 6

Posted by Lacey on 11:11 AM in
This week was a fail. I'm having a really hard time figuring out why though. I got 5 solid workouts in. At least 4 30 min workouts on the elliptical along with abs and arm stuff. I took a two mile walk/jog with Parker and the dog, followed by 20 min on the elliptical when we got back... I haven't been eating everything in sight like I may have wanted too. I wasn't eating before bed.. I don't get it.

Saturday the scale said I had lost 3.4 lbs! I was ecstatic. Today? Gain of .4 from last week. eff. Water weight? I know I didn't eat THAT much. Plus I totally work my butt off this weekend. GRRRR. I'm just really frustrated.

I was hoping that maybe my scale just needed a new battery or something. Now every other scale I have ever had has taken a 12v battery. So I dig one out of the junk drawer and head to the bathroom. I pop the battery cover off only to find one of those stupid watch battery looking things that NO ONE keeps on hand. It's something that you have to put on the damn shopping list because the only time you ever buy one is when, like here, you discover that you bought something, like an idiot, that takes one.

Now, I'm just pissed at the number and annoyed at my scale

We are moving on Sunday. Which is fantastic and sucks (insert your favorite inappropriate language here) all at the same time. Its awesome that we are buying our first home. Packing, organizing, and cleaning so we can smoothly move in one day is A. LOT. of work. and stress.

Can I blame the stress for my weight this week? Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all about holding my self accountable for my actions. But when I'm working my ass off, and my ass isn't coming off, I'm sorry but there has got to be a reason out of my control. I refuse to believe otherwise. ::arms crossed, pouting::

I'm going to try and post next week but I don't know if I'll have a computer up and running yet so I might miss it. If so, everyone have a great couple of weeks and I'll see you after the move!

Weight lost this week: +.4 lbs
Total weight lost: 30.2

Goals:
*Don't have a complete meltdown while closing or moving.
*Don't gain 5 lbs by eating nothing but pizza and fast food because there is no food in the house.

Keeping it simple this week.

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McFatty Monday Week 5... Goals

Posted by Lacey on 9:20 AM in
It is still Monday... No? This is going to be a far later post than I wanted it to be but, oh well. Try as I might I can't slow time down.

My last weeks goals were to exercise 4 days and lose 3 lbs. Completely achievable, right? Well, I was close. I got all my exercising in and more. I'm totally counting the packing 60% of my house as the "more" because I totally busted my ass on that.

I only lost 2.4 lbs though. SO CLOSE! But that only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. I'm struggling with not feeling like I failed. Because 2.4 lbs is awesome. I know that setting achievable goals is important to keep me motivated and it gives me something to work towards but I HATE not meeting my goals week after week. I keep trying to tell myself that I didn't fail. I did achieve a lot, but I could have done better.

One thing that I have been using during this whole "weight loss journey" (OMG, that is so cliche and yet totally true) is my iPhone. I found a free app (because I'm cheap and diapers are expensive) that has really helped keep me on track. Lose it!

It's got food and exercises journals and also keeps track of your weight. Although I don't use the food journal because I become way too obsessive with it, I love the other two. I hate trying to remember when and how much I exercised.

But my favorite part is the weight record. Why? Because its a great visual way to remind me how far I have come. Its not about the day to day ups and downs. Its about looking at the graph as a whole. If you can draw a line through the center of your up and down dots and you see that as a whole your moving down... your going in the right direction. THAT'S the important part. Although I really hate to record the number sometimes I do it anyway.

I know that a lot of weight loss programs offer these features, and if you haven't figured out why... well its because THEY WORK. Just thought I would spell it out for you.

So that's my weight loss wisdom for you this week. Admit to yourself what your eating, when your exercising and how both of those things are affecting your body. Now if you don't have an iPhone I'm sure that if you have a smart phone, you could find one. If you don't have a smart phone, well you have a computer, or you wouldn't be reading this. So use it. Start making a graph like you did in middle school math & science. Start keeping a record. Start holding yourself accountable for your choices.

Weight loss this week: 2.4 lbs
Total weight loss: 30.6

Goals:
*4 workouts
*3 lb loss
Keeping it until I achieve both

Be my friend on Lose it! Laceyslaughablelife@gmail.com


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Adventures in Baby Proofing

Posted by Lacey on 8:00 AM in ,
My whole approach on baby proofing is, aside from the obvious, like the electrical outlets and chemicals cabinets, that Parker will show us what needs to be done. I have no desire to have the annoying, finger jamming baby locks on the pan cabinet or the tupperware drawer. Other than being loud and annoying, he isn't going to hurt them or them him. Plus he has so much fun with them.

Our first and biggest problem was with our desk. The hard drive, cables, printer, disks, EVERYTHING was exposed. The only fix? Buy and new desk. Which worked for me because I hated the piece of crap that we had. It was super cheap and held the computer off the floor. The only requirements that we had at the time. Now we have a great desk that has drawers and cabinets that we were able to put baby locks on. With plenty of work space for me. So that was a total win. Baby safe. Computer safe. Mom happy.

I have found that small plastic storage containers work great for storing extra cords, gaming equipment etc. Keeping in mind that my goal wasn't to keep Parker from getting into that stuff all together because I know it wont do that, but really its just to slow him down vs just putting that stuff into a basket. I don't put anything that he could get hurt or choke on. Now that I think about it, he hasn't ever gone after them even though they are well with in his reach. I gave him a couple of his own to play with and put toys into and that seemed to do the trick. Everyone wants what they can't have. He doesn't realise that there are different things in the other ones. Yet, that is.

Oh, WARNING! I'm so not winning Mother of The Year for this one. The thing I never realised was even there could have killed my child. Back to the stupid cheap furniture again. The covers that you put into the screws... I totally forgot they even existed until I found one in Parker's mouth. I almost threw up from thinking about what could have happened. Needless to say I took them all off immediately and threw them away.

Parker is getting so big so fast. And getting into everything even faster. Everyday we are modifying how we do things, and where we put everything as he is reaching higher and going farther each day. He is teaching us just as much, if not more than we are teaching him.

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McFatty Monday... Week 4

Posted by Lacey on 12:45 PM in
Do I have to get on the scale?? Really? Can't I just ignore it this week. I have eaten crap all week. I never stepped foot on my elliptical or popped in my yoga DVD so Bob could kick my ass. And the fair was in town. Ya, It was bad. I feel like crap too. I know it's because I was eating so poorly all week.

I have several very legitimate excuses. But that's all they are, excuses. I can't blame anyone but myself. Not the stress that comes with (hopefully) buying a new house. Not the million phone calls and e-mails that needed to be taken care of because of (hopefully) said new house. Not the renovations, time and money being spent on a home that is not even ours yet so that we can kiss some appraisers ass so maybe he will take pity on us and not find something else he wants done. No. I'm Not BITTER. I have no idea where you would get that idea.

I could have made better choices or made the time to pack better lunches or make better dinners instead of going through the drive through, but I didn't. I could have made the time to work out, at least a couple of times this week, but I didn't. I could have chosen to walk through all of the building at the fair instead of just walking from the corn dogs to the cheese curds, to the oofta tacos, but I didn't.

But this week I will do better. I will eat better because we actually have food in the house now. I will exercise because I FEEL BETTER when I do. And with all this stress and anxiety that comes with buying a house I know I need the stress relief.

I just got on the scale... gain. No surprise there.

Weight loss this week: +2 lbs (it really sucks having to write that)
Total weight loss 28.2

Goals:
4 workouts
lose 3 lbs (I want to lose what I gained and 1 more to get me back in the right direction)


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Happy Anniversary

Posted by Lacey on 11:47 AM in


Dear Matthew,

Two years ago we were married in an amazing desert location during flash flood warnings and storm clouds rolling overhead. It was perfect. I'm quite sure that if I lose my mind as I age, I will always remember what a wonderful day that was. The start of our life together.

I married my best friend that day. Your a man who works too hard and plays too little. You sacrifice more than you should to take care of us. Your the person I turn to when I'm happy, sad, excited, or angry. And you love me through all of it. You know when to push me and when to hold me back. You let me be crazy and support all of my "brilliant" ideas. For all of this, I thank you. Your a wonderful husband, father, and friend. I am lucky to have you.

Happy Anniversary,

I love you.

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Are you ready for some football!!!!!!

Posted by Lacey on 9:33 PM in ,


Football season is upon us. Here is to a great season, and Minnesota's first win at the Super Bowl!

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McFatty Monday week 3... skinny jeans

Posted by Lacey on 5:30 PM in
Do you think I'm allowed to say that "I fit into my skinny jeans" if I have to squwat in them first, just so I can walk without looking like I've just gotten off a horse? If so... "I FIT INTO MY SKINNY JEANS!!!" and if not, well then you've never had a baby or been fat in your entire life, so I really don't care what you think.

I must say that these alleged "skinny jeans" of mine come with a disclaimer. *These jeans are not true skinny jeans, they are mid-twenties, post baby body skinny jeans. Why? Because they were once my high school "Fat Jeans". Ugh. So yes, that's right. I really should be shouting that "I FIT INTO MY FAT JEANS" But hey, at least I'm about the same size I was in high school, right?

My real skinny jeans are at the top of my closet. When I committed to start loosing weight in February this year I tried them on and they came up to mid-thigh. MID-THIGH. And folks, no matter how hard you try... You. can. NOT. suck. in. your. thighs. I did however try my real skinny jeans on the other day. I got them over my bum and two of the buttons done. YES!!!

I'm a scale freak and weigh myself A LOT. I live to see the numbers go down. But there is nothing like really being able to SEE the progress you are making when you try on your "goal clothes"

This weeks exercise was not so great. Unless I can count my 12 trips to Menard's/Home Depot and pushing really long boards back and forth through the store... (that's another post) If I can't count that then I only got 3 workouts in. Sadly that's 2 short of my goal. I did however up my workout time to 45.

And drum roll please......... I HAVE LOST 30lbs!!!! Even without all of my workouts I did manage my goal of 2.2 lbs.

Weight loss this week: 2.2 lbs
Total weight lost: 30.2

Goals:
*Workout 4 Days (5 right now is just setting myself up to fail)
*Lose 2 lbs (slow and steady, as I do not live on the Biggest Loser Ranch)

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McFatty Monday... Week 2

Posted by Lacey on 3:37 PM in
So... Talk about holding yourself accountable. Which is why I decided to start writing a McFatty Monday post. I wanted to get back on track with my weight loss, gain some motivation, and hold myself accountable for completely over indulging. This post is making me do just that. I had a wonderful weekend with family and friends, I am just frustrated that I made such poor food choices.

I did great all week with watching what I was eating, portion control, and no late night snacking. Then came Friday... (Oh, Friday... How I love thee!) After an "OMFG" kind of day at work. My self and one of my girlie's went out on the town. We had a great time and probably a few too many.

Saturday was The Hubby's family reunion. I again had no self control. In my defence, I'm a sucker for pasta/summer/cold salads. I just can't resist. I there were like... 10 of them! So after a spoon full of this one and that one, and seconds I my favorites... OK I have absolutely no will power. I admit it. (note to self: 'Work. on. will. power.') I was like a bazillion calories in. So whats a piece of dessert on top of it?

Then Sunday rolled around. The Hubby and I had a very productive day of packing and playing with the boy. We then decided to go to dinner. Did I make the right choice? Choose the chicken and steamed veggies or some kind of equivalent? NOPE. Not a chance. Instead of making a good choice from the healthy part of the menu, I went straight for the burger and fries, and ate all of it. OH, and I totally dipped my fries in bleu cheese dressing. (and you thought it couldn't get any worse)

So after much consideration I feel that we should make "McFatty Monday", "Fatass Friday" I would do SO much better. I can work so hard all week and then the weekend comes and I just lose all will power to keep making the right choices.

On the plus side, I did really well last week with meeting my workout goal. I got all of my four workouts in. I was doing 30 minutes on the elliptical and then doing abs, arms, and stretching afterwards. This week I'm going to try and do a bit more though.

Weight lost this week: 1.2 lbs
Total weight lost: 28 lbs

Goals:
*Workout 5 times this week
*Increase the length of my workouts
*Lose 2.2 lbs (I'm SOOOO close to having lost 30 lbs!!!)

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My Breastfeeing Journey

Since I have spent the majority of my life for the past 9 months breastfeeding/pumping, I kinda think it deserves a post. So yes, I'm going to chat about my boobies again. (This is the cue to anyone who doesn't want to listen to such things to make a quick exit... ok, don't say I didn't warn you.)

I must say that even now after 9 months of this, if I stop and think about it, it is still kinda gross and creepy. I mean, another human is drinking something that my body makes... ICK. Yes yes yes... it is a beautiful, natural, bonding experience between mother and baby, and it is the "best thing" for them blah blah blah... I get that side of it too. But really, it is kinda gross when you think about it. So I just try not to focus on that little detail.

Any who, back to the beginning. When I first found out I was pregnant and well I guess even long before that, I knew I wanted to "try" breastfeeding. I was very unsure about how I really felt about it (um, duh... previous statement) I knew I wanted to try because it would be "best" for the little peanut that I was cooking. There were so many questions in the beginning... "Would he even latch on?" "Am I going to make enough milk" "How do I know if he is eating enough?" "Am I going to be able to handle the pain that people keep telling me I will have to go through?" "what about when we leave the house? Nurse in public...? "there is no way in hell that I'll ever do that!" With so many questions, I needed answers. So I started reading and researching as much as I could. For anyone who is expecting and thinking about breastfeeding I must say that educating yourself is the best way to give you and your baby the best start at your new breastfeeding relationship.

I started out saying that I was going to try to make it to 8 weeks because I didn't want to deal with the awkwardness that is pumping at work. As I got further along in my pregnancy and had learned a lot more about it I decided that maybe I could make it to 6 months. That would be enough time to get us through the flu season without too many trips to the Dr.

As I entered the delivery room I was more nervous about breastfeeding than I was about getting the 10lb child out through the lady parts. Ya, I know. Makes no sense. I had read the books, blogs, web sites, gone to the classes but still, "what if my body doesn't work and the milk doesn't come?" "what if my baby hates me and wont eat?"

After Parker was born and had been taken away to be cleaned up, it was discovered that he had very low blood sugar. (common with bigger babies) In order to get his blood sugar back up he was given 1oz of formula through a syringe. I was heartbroken. I hadn't even had the chance to try nursing but there wasn't any choice. It was the easiest thing to do to get his blood sugar back up.

Now most of the time,(according to the lactation consultant that taught my breastfeeding class) a baby can go the first 24hrs of life without really eating anything and there is no cause for alarm. BUT, since Parker was having blood sugar issues he needed to eat to get things stabilized, that general rule didn't apply. To make matters worse, my fears had become reality... HE. WOULDN'T. LATCH. So enter in the pump on wheels. aka: demon sucker.

To make sure my body was getting the right signals to produce milk, the nurses had me pumping every two hours and they were "cupping" him any milk that I got. Now every woman who had ever pumped told me "your going to feel like a cow" and oh boy they were right. I hadn't even gotten to nurse yet and here I am hooked up to the demon sucker staring at the empty bottles praying for my body to give me something to feed my child.

After a long emotionally and physically draining 24 hrs in the hospital I was assigned a wonderful nurse who took some time to work with me and Parker teaching us both what to do. Even with the amount of reading and class hours that I had done, there is nothin' like on-the-job training.

That first time he latched... all I could do was cry. Out of relief, joy, amazement and a bit of pain. It was completely over whelming in a wonderful way. It will be a feeling that I will never forget.

Once we were sent home it was a learn as you go thing. What works for some may not work for others. I had expected the absolute worst in regards to pain so that might be why I feel it could have been a whole lot worse. I just kept telling myself what my sister had said, "once you get through the first week, it's all down hill from there" and it was completely true. After day 3 and 4, it gets a little better each day.

If you get nothing else in preparation to breastfeed you must have lanolin, (aka: boobie cream) and no the hospital is NOT going to give you enough. It is worth its weight in gold. Their slogan really should be "WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BREASTFEED WITH OUT IT" I am quite sure I would have had quit or had irreversible damage had I not had it.

Once we got through the first week, everything was going quite well. By the time I had to go back to work I had decided I was going to pump. I had a little area in the 'supply room' where I would bring my desk chair in with me and lock the doors. Get set up and eat my lunch. It worked out quit well actually. I was a little nervous about pumping in there before I went back, but it turned out to work great. It was the only place in the building that I could lock the door that wasn't a bathroom. I lived on lean pockets and yogurt for 7 months and I'm quite sure I'm okay with never eating another one for as long as I live.

I had planned to breastfeed until Parker's 1st birthday. My body on the other hand had a different agenda. My milk supply tanked when Parker was about 6 months old. I swear I tried EVERYTHING to get it back up, and I mean everything that was suggested.

*Extra pumping. And can I just say that I DESPISE pumping. I hate it with every fiber of my being. It is annoyingly time consuming. It makes you worry about how much milk your making even though it isn't an accurate measurement because your infant is far more efficient. There are a million little parts that need to be cleaned 8 freaking times a day! ::rant over::

*Oatmeal. It got to the point where I was having to force myself to eat it and was struggling to even keep it down.

*Extra calories. Ya, that is really helpful when trying to drop the baby weight.

*Fenugreek. Now there's an herb with some "fantastic" side effects. Aside from increasing your milk supply, it makes your pee, sweat and CHILD smell like maple syrup. Not harmful but still gross. Even with taking 12-16 pills a day, it had very little effect on my supply.

*Extra Water. I was drinking water like a camel preparing for a 500 mile trip across the desert. And in turn peeing my syrup smelling pee like I was pregnant again. My frequent bathroom trips did not go unnoticed by my co-workers, so I got quite a few raised eyebrows. ::NO I'm not pregnant!::

After none of this worked, and struggling emotionally for weeks I admitted defeat. I finally broke down and gave Parker a formula bottle. His reaction... Nothing. Didn't even faze him. No strange faces, no "what the eff is this Mom?" He happily sucked it down and wanted some more. I was stunned and a little heartbroken that he didn't seem to care.

One wonderful side effect... Parker started sleeping through the night again because he was getting enough calories during the day. ::sigh of relief:: This was the baby that was sleeping through the night by 2 weeks old up until about 5 1/2 months when he started waking up 2-3 times a night. I feel like a total failure for not figuring it out sooner. Live and learn, Right?

After about a month now of supplementing with formula we are down to just morning and before bed nursing sessions. I know it is coming to an end soon and it just makes me sad. I really do love breastfeeding. I cherish that closeness that we have and I'll miss this part of his life once it is over. It was the best choice for us and it has been a very long journey but I will be grateful I made this choice for the rest of my life.

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McFatty Monday & Miss. Motivation

Posted by Lacey on 7:55 AM in ,
I love to read different Mommy/Family Blogs. They can be funny, heartwarming, heart breaking, and eye opening. One of my favorites is Heir to Blair. She is a fantastic writer and is always a great read. (If you don't know who she is, get over there NOW!) She started a segment McFatty Monday earlier this year to try and drop her baby weight. I'm now deciding to join to "The Blair Bandwagon". (Don't worry, if she starts to offer us all Kool-Aid, I promise to turn my jiggly butt around and run)

It was reading about her and others journey helped give me some motivation in the beginning to get my butt in gear. Although I haven't been blogging about it, (because lets face it, I haven't been really blogging much... but that is changing)I have successfully lost 26.8lbs. I was doing really well for the first few months but when I was dealing with milk supply issues I decided to cut back on the weight loss to try and get my milk supply back up. Unfortunately that was a total FAIL. We have since had to start weaning far earlier than I wanted. But that is a different post...

Since we have started weaning, I decided that I needed to get back on track. With my motivation totally lacking and being completely unable to find her... Trust me I've looked. (she's not in the closet, under the bed, in one of the many boxes that I've been packing, Ooh... I have not looked in-between the seats of my car tho, that place really likes to eat my phone so ya never know...) but seriously, I NEED MY MOTIVATION BACK, where ever she may be hiding.

I'm hoping that if I start writing about it weekly, making myself accountable (the whole point of McFatty Monday) that Miss. Motivation will find her way back.

I have been setting small goals for myself as I have been going along. Currently I have 23.2lbs to go before I reach my first big goal of losing 50 lbs. Which seemed completely unattainable at the start but now that I'm on the back half of that goal, I know I can do it. It is just a matter of finding that darn motivation to get my butt on the elliptical...

Goals for this week:
*Workout 4 days
*lose 3.4 lbs (I really want to be able to say I have less than 20 lbs to go!!)

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8 months

Posted by Lacey on 11:06 PM in


Bath Time!

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Dont bite the "hand" that feeds you...

Posted by Lacey on 10:20 PM in , ,
Biting. (I'll say for any family or friends that don't want to hear about my boobs... "thanks for stopping by but you may want to make a quick exit")

When I was pregnant with P, I wanted to breastfeed. I was absolutely determined to do it and I wasn't going to give up come hell or high water. I was very lucky though and had a very easy time with it. I'm not sure if it is because I was expecting it to be unbearably painful and difficult that when it wasn't those things, it seemed easy... or if I really did have an easy time. Either way, we have gotten along for 8 months now with very few issues.

Once P was born, I decided that I wanted to breastfeed to his 1st birthday. Now that we have come so far and we are getting so close to that goal, I just feel like a failure for even considering weaning. But he keeps BITING ME! I want my nipples when this is all said and done. The girls are only on loan, and I didn't collect a security deposit. The hubby would be quite upset if I lost one.

How do you deal with this? I want to continue breastfeeding, I have made it this far and I want to reach my goal. How do I stop him from biting so it can still be a relaxing and comforting experience for both of us?

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Balance

I haven't blogged in a very, very, VERY long time... But I don't think anyone reads it so I don't think anyone missed me. Why haven't I gotten around to sharing my life with the world? Well... I've been trying to find a balance in life between being a mom, a wife, working, the housekeeper, weight loss, finding a house and all of the other million things that come up everyday that need my attention. So those are my excuses... want to know the real reason... I'm effing lazy. All of that takes a lot out of me and I just didn't bother to make the time. Nice huh? Well at least I'm honest.

Mommy. I love it! I couldn't be happier. Mr. Parker is doing wonderfully. He is 8 months old now!! I, like every other parent in the world asks everyday "How do I stop you from growing up so fast?!" He is crawling, has two teeth and thinks I'm the funniest person in the entire world. (I know that in the very near future he is going to realize that I'm far more of an embarrassment than a comic. I still have high hopes that he'll let me walk him to the bus stop as long as I promise not to kiss him. or wear my pj's.)

Me and the Hubby. I don't think I have ever been more in love with him. He is such a good person to everyone in his life. He loves me and P to the end of the world. He works too hard and plays too little to make sure that we are taken care of. "I love you!"

Work. Work is good. The mommy guilt is getting better. (did you hear that ladies... IT GETS BETTER!) I love my time at home and thank the universe that it has worked out so I only have to work part-time. But now, I do look forward to going to work. I enjoy what I do and who I work with.

Housekeeper. Um... Ya... It has gotten better, I will say that. I try not to get overwhelmed as much or care if there are dirty dishes in the sink when we go to bed. I have found that if I set a day for me to "detail" the house and just work on the maintenance stuff every other day... it's a working progress. Lets go with that.

Weight loss. I'm down 25lbs. ("woo hoo!!") The "lightest" I've been in 4 years. I say lightest, 'cause smallest doesn't apply. Growing a human has forever changed my body and I'm annoyingly jealous of those freaks of nature that show ABSOFREAKINGLUTLY NO EVIDENCE of it. This will forever be a journey of mine and I know that. I have made strides in the right direction though.

Buying a house... Yes, we are buying a house. The Hubby and I are currently renters and want more than anything to NOT be. We have an offer in on a short sale property and are just waiting for Bank Of America to... get off their effing bums and look at our paperwork... oops, I mean, get back to us. ::FINGERS CROSSED::

Finding a balance is something I know everyone strives toward and something I know that I'll be working on for the. rest. of. my. life. ::sigh::

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Mommy Guilt

Posted by Lacey on 9:16 AM in , ,
I can't believe how much I have changed in the past 4 months. Getting to know myself in this whole new role as a mother isn't something that anyone ever discussed. Maybe I'm alone in this but people always say "a baby changes your life." Duh. But no one tells you that you become a totally different person. It has been a big part of the whole postpartum recovery/discovery process that NO ONE tells you about. (More on that in another post)I have now been back to work (part time) since the first week of December after having 8 glorious weeks home with my little one. Before having a child I always said "I could never be a stay at home mom. I would go crazy. I NEED to work." Um... this new me... gets to eat her words again.

I could very easily stay at home with Parker, and love every minute of it. I threw such a fit and was a nervous wreck before going back to work. I wanted to pack up and runaway to avoid the inevitable. I couldn't imagine missing anything in his life, and just the thought of it broke my heart. Despite my tantrums and avoidance I packed us both up that morning and headed to daycare. When I had to walk out that door, leaving him for the first time, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Mommy guilt started screaming immediately "Your abandoning your child! Your a terrible mother! He is going to hate you for leaving him! He wont understand why your not there to comfort him!" I even told my boss that had he been crying instead of sleeping I probably would have never made it to work that day.

The thing is... I love my job. I enjoy what I do and who I work with. And once I'm at The Office, I'm fine. But then the mommy guilt sets in again. It will all of a sudden hit me like a ton of bricks "Oh my God I haven't thought about Parker in like 3 hours! I'm such a bad mom! How could I stop thinking about my child for one minute? They are going to take away my parenting license!" But the truth is, if I wasn't able to push my wondering and worries out of my head, I wouldn't be able to do my job. I would eff up all day long. And lets be honest, that is not very conducive for keeping a job. So I live with the mommy guilt of not letting Parker be the center of my world all of the time because that isn't good either. Not for me, The Hubby or our wallets because of the expensive therapy that we would have to put Parker into for many, many years to reverse the damage I would have caused.

I wish I could say that it has gotten easier. Even just a little. Nope. It still sucks, every time. And the evil bee-a-tch that goes by the name of Mommy Guilt screams in my head the whole drive there.

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Parker's 3 month pictures

Posted by Lacey on 5:50 PM in





Yes I know he is almost 4 months old. I'm a little late posting these but oh well.


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Why...?

Posted by Lacey on 5:38 PM in ,
Why must Parker have an "assplosion" every time I put one of my favorite outfits on him? Is he trying to tell me something?

Parker: "Momma, your style choices really suck. I don't want to wear anymore monkeys. I don't care for the color brown and I don't like stripes. Please can you take a hint?"

:sigh:

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Skol Vikings!... but... wait... we lost...

Posted by Lacey on 4:40 PM in
Okay. I'm a Vikings fan through and through. Not one of those that are there only when they are doing well. I'm there still rooting for them when all hope is gone. When we have no chance of going to the playoffs or when we are so far behind in a game that the hand of God could come down and we would still lose. I have always been behind MY team. I even got to attend the last game of the regular season. It was my first live pro-football game and the Hubby and I had a wonderful time where we totally crushed the Giants 44-7.


This season has been amazing and we (Minnesotans) totally and full heartily believed that we were going to Miami. This was our year to bring home the win. With an amazing defence and an offence with our God Brett Farve. We were going to go to the Superbowl. This was our year. The stars had finally aligned and we were going to go for the first time in 33 YEARS, and we were going to win.


So Sunday started with unbelievable excitement and anticipation. I was so excited I was driving the Hubby nuts all day singing our fight song and dancing around the house with Parker. I'm the football fan in the house. He really could care less. I'm desperately trying to brain wash my child so I have someone to share my excitement.

The game was... unbelievable. To say the least. I'm surprised I didn't pass out from holding my breath so much. It was back and forth scoring keeping us tied for most of the game. Had they not effed up so badly with fumbles and a horrible interception they would have won. Without a doubt. I even managed to scare the hell out of my child by screaming at the TV while nursing. (I did feel really bad but it was funny. And the Vikings needed to be yelled at, because they can hear me though my TV ya know.) Unless you have been living under a rock you know that we lost. In overtime. A total disappointment doesn't even come close to describing the feeling of it.

But, as I said I'm a Vikings fan through and through. With a heavy heart and a few tears we say goodbye to our shot at the Superbowl and say what we have said at the end of every season for the past 33 years... "There is always next year" And for the last time of the season, our fight song:

Skol Vikings, let's win this game,

Skol Vikings, honor your name,

Go get that first down,

Then get a touchdown

.Rock 'em . . . Sock 'em

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Go Vikings, run up the score,

You'll hear us yell for more. . .

V-I-K-I-N-G-S

Skol, Vikings, let's go!


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Meet Parker's BFF Sophie

Posted by Lacey on 8:36 AM in
Yes, that is Sophie holding down his arm so she can clean his fingers. Ick.
and cleaning his ears...






Notice the fist full of hair he has... lol, she doesn't care.









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Sick baby...

Posted by Lacey on 9:12 PM in ,
I've been such a bad blogger. I haven't posted in weeks. ::scolding myself:: My excuse? (and yes it is an excuse, which I hate because it really comes down to the fact that I've been lazy) Mr. Parker has been sick. FOR A MONTH. A month of dripping snot, pouring drool, continuous coughing, and don't forget my favorite... sneezing. Right. into. my. face. And before you call social services and have my mothering license taken away for not bringing my poor child to see some kind of medical professional... We have been there. Three times. Yes, count them three.

The first time we where there it was the Monday before Christmas. He had been sick, coughing and sneezing since the previous Friday. As a first time mom, when my little 2 1/2 month old sounds like he can't breath... I freak out. So I stayed home from work and off to the Dr. we go. Since we couldn't get in to see Dr. C Parker's regular pedi do to the lack of openings and my lack of ability to be patience and wait until Tuesday, we saw Dr. W. The one who cut off Parker's penis. (Now that I think about it, kinda cruel... No?) So Dr. W says that is lungs are clear and that it is just a cold...

Isn't it always just a cold? Now granted that is SOOO much better than being told that there is something wrong with my lil' boy, but I can't do ANYTHING to fix him. Ugh. So completely and totally frustrating.

So a couple of weeks go by and the cold is just lingering. No matter what I do. And trust me, we tried absolutely everything.

-elevating the mattress (he just ends up in a ball at the bottom)
-sleeping in the bouncy seat (he would wake up and scream every time we tried to put him in there for the night)
-humidifier
-baby vics (didn't really seem to do much but I love the smell of the baby vics compared to the adult crap)
-warm baths
-running the shower on hot and sitting there breathing in the warm steam
-plenty of use of my favorite tool for a baby... the Booger Sucker.
-saline spray (oh, and by the way. spraying crap up your child's nose apparently makes you the devil. Just an FYI)

So after three weeks of this crap, Parker gets worse. And because of my extensive medical background (um, none. unless you can count my many many hours devoted to Grey's Anatomy.) I'm absolutely positive that it is in his lungs now. This time we get to see the wonderful Dr. C, (who did not cut of Parker's penis so is much more liked by him I'm sure) The diagnosis... back to back colds... his lungs sound great. ::Grrr:: off to continue with all the home remedies that are not doing an effing thing.

Anther weeks goes by. And if it is at all possible, he sounds worse. When he is coughing, he is either coughing so hard he can't catch his breath, or he is puking/spitting up. Neither of these are good. So with risking be called neurotic new mommy, we pack up and go see Dr. W again. At this point I think she is just humoring me.

Dr.: Has he really been sick for a FULL month?

Lacey: YES! A full month. Why do you think we are back for a THIRD time?

Dr.: Well, we will give him a round of antibiotics. If this is bacterial, he will get better in a few
days. If it is viral... he is just going to have to keep fighting it.

Lacey: Duh.

Just to make it clear, we (the Hubby and I) really didn't want to put Parker on meds. I do understand that he is building an immune system and this is how it works. He must get sick so he can fight the crap later. But when the kid is only 3 1/2 moths old and he has been sick for a 1/3 of his life... I feel like a horrible mother because I can't fix him... I have a sneaking suspicion that I will feel like that a lot of the time as Parker grows. Joy.

Just for the record. We are day three of meds and his cough is significantly better. ::smiles to self::

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